The Student Windsurfing Association
The SWA Festival 2004, ‘Aussie Kiss 3,’ kicked off this year’s University Windsurfing Events Series. With well over 600 students (likely to be the biggest windsurfing event ever held in the UK… and possibly the world!!!), numerous world renowned pros offering helpful advice and tips, copious amounts of student RYA qualified instructors running sessions on and off the water, a totally fantastic Saturday night party, brand new Boardwise demo kit to try, a Slalom race event and of course the awesome freestyle event in Force 7 winds on the Saturday – this weekend was one that no student could afford to miss.



The Friday night saw hundreds of students descend on the 3D centre in Osmington for enrolment.  Grabbing a t-shirt and heading to the bar to catch up with those mates that they hadn’t seen over that long hot summer.  It was also a chance for the freshers among us to grab their first glance at what a student windsurfing event is all about… meeting hundreds of like minded, up for it people desperate to get out windsurfing!  In fact, there was so much catching up to do, many didn’t get to bed until well into the early hours of the morning.


A few hours later, for some, everyone was woken up – largely to the sound of presidents drumming on their doors to get them down in time breakfast and ready to start the day!  By mid morning everyone had been split into groups and was receiving top of the range tuition from the instructors (cheers, to all those guys that offered to help out – you were brilliant).  With everything from beginners learning what windsurfing is all about to the latest freestyle moves (some instructors got as bit carried away), to the advanced receiving first class tuition and general entertainment from Jem Hall and Jim Collis, no one was left out.

When everyone arrived at the Sailing Academy by early afternoon it was already howling a constant force 7.  So, soon the freestyle comp was running - being judged by such esteemed names as Peter Hart, Jem Hall, Jim Collis, Tris Best and Jon Metcalfe.  Within minutes hundreds of students had gathered to support their uni members ripping it up with grubbies, spocks, body drags, 360s, forward loops and much much more.  The standard was phenomenal, with some of Britain’s best up and coming talent.  After a closely fought out final, Mike Wand-Tetley came away as overall winner, with a fantastic display of some very impressive freestyle moves.

Freestyle comp over and everyone bundled in their vans, heading back to the 3D centre to grab their 70s Hawaii fancy dress for the party, which was held in a huge activities centre complete with Jagermeister girls, hours of comedy dancing and some very inventive costumes!


Sunday morning started off a little slower with many slightly worse for wear students arriving at the Sailing Academy in a very confused state from the night before, with the exception of Bristol Uni club who were there and raring to go, all rigged up by 10:00 – good effort guys!   


Sunday morning gave all the freshers a chance to learn the art of mincing – a crucial talent at any windsurfing event.  But by lunchtime the first batch of beginners and intermediates were receiving on water RYA tuition under the watchful eyes of the UKWA rescue boats, John Metcalfe and Charlie Connelly.  Down the other end of the site, the advanced were getting involved in a Slalom comp organised by Oli Woodcock, RYA British Windsurfing Team Sailor and National Coach.  With the Boardwise Van on hand to offer free sailors the chance to demo the latest pre-rigged, brand new kit.

Cheers everyone for an awesome event.  Well done to all those beginners that had their first ever go at windsurfing in crazy offshore, force 5-7 winds – anything will be easy now – you’ll be looping before you know it!

Thanks to all our event helpers, especially to the UKWA, Jem Hall, Jim Collis, Oli Woodcock, Peter Hart, Tris Best, John Metcalfe and Charlie Connelly.  Thanks aswell to our event sponsors and supporters; Boardwise, Windtek, Starboard/Tushingham,, Extreme Sports Channel, BicSport, Straw House, Lodey Sails and Windsurf Magazine.   Also thanks to solentsailboards for donating the prize for the 'under pressure challenge' raffle - raising money for the SWA's nominated charity - the RNLI (see the write up in windsurf mag). 

Check out the event photos and the AK Forum pages on the website.  Also look out for event coverage on the BBC News, Extreme Sports Channel, in Windsurf Magazine, Boardseeker Online Mag, the Times Newspaper and many more.

Also don’t forget to check out the website for the list of forthcoming events… the next being Cardiff University's ‘Reservoir Dogs’ on 6th-7th of Nov; complete with Slalom, Supercross, Freestyle comp and off course fantastic Saturday Night Party.


The freestyle competition took place on the Saturday in front of a large crowd gatherd on the quay.
The wind was about force 5-7 offshore and very gusty. Many of the competitors struggled to launch due to the large wind shaddow.

Mike from Falmouth coping very well with the light winds on the inside

The level of competition was very high with plenty of vulcans, spocks forward loops and many other combo moves including advanced fall-ins.

Many thanks to Sarah, Pete, Phil for running the competition and to Peter Hart, Jim Collis, Tris Best and Jon Metcalfe for judging. Also thanks to Boardwise for their prizes.

The stand-out performer was Falmouth's Mike Wand-Tetley who amazed the crowds with vulcans very clean forwards spocks and even some ponch attempts.


1st Mike Wand-Tetley  (gaastra/starboard)  - falmouth
2nd Adam Cropper  (tush/starboard, onboard) - southampton
3rd Olly Woodcock  (spot on water, 604distribution, mistral/north) - bournemouth
4th Lukie - exeter

5th=  Munch (riks) - southampton
         Jack - bournemouth
         Gordon - bristol
         Ed - bristol

9th=  Tom
         Henry - cambridge
         Chris - imperial
         Bob - southampton

Supported by:



Thanks to Jem Hall, Peter Hart, Jim Collis, Tris Best, Jon Metcalfe and Charlie Connelly ( Stephen Fry and all the helpers and Instructors that made the event happen over the weekend.

Cardiff kicked off the SWA series with style. With beginner tuition, racing in all divisions, a very entertaining light wind freestyle competition, brilliant 'pimps, whores and Labradors' Saturday night party and much much more, Cardiff has set a very high standard for the rest of the events in the SWA Calendar of 2004-2005.


  • Participants enrol - part of event fee is donated to the charity surfers against sewage - which protect recreational waters to keep us safe and free from illness.
  • Everyone is issued with bright red Reservoir Dogs t-shirts

  • Students descend on Cardiff student union bar, fuelled with rock (as in the sweet) and shots of some alcoholic drink being given out free, first sign of nudity from liability James (Southampton Uni) as the promotional camera man for the drink films more than he expected to in an interview.

  • Some students head to bed at random homes of Cardiff windsurfers, while the others carry on partying at the house party of one of the Cardiff Windsurf Committee.


  • Everyone wakes up surprisingly early and heads down to the reservoir.

  • No sign of wind but we rig up the beginner kit anyway.

  • By the time everything is rigged up the wind had filled in nicely and the beginners launch onto the water.  Everyone else chips in with instruction and helpful tips for them.

  • By the time more kit is rigged up, the wind has picked up and intermediates and advanced head out onto the water.

  • By early afternoon racing is in full swing and everyone is enjoying getting wet.

  • With only a couple of hours until the party, kit is quickly packed away and everyone bundles into their mini-buses, vans and cars heading back to Cardiff to get changed into their fancy dress outfits for the party.

  • Cardiff locals watching the rugby in a sports bar in town get a shock when over a hundred students dressed as pimps, whores and Labradors (and cow/Dalmatians - think some people got a bit confused with the party theme) enter.

  • Everyone dances the night away until we are chucked out in the early hours.

  • Many congregate in a kebab shop halfway back to their houses.


  • After a short lie, everyone heads to the reservoir and soon beginner racing and a freestyle comp for all is in full swing.

  • As always the Boardwise van is on hand to provide a fantastic range of demo kit to try.

  • Marked on style as well as technique, there were some very entertaining entrees and moves in the Boardwise freestyle comp.  E.g. the winner, Mikey P of Southampton Uni, is decked out in skin tight shiny blue trousers, a furry full length coat and aviators.  

  • Cardiff excels with the prizes; from Naish harnesses to luggage bags and hoodies to dvds.
Congratulations to all who competed.


Advanced Racing

1st. James Day (Oxford)

2nd. Sam Stevens (Southampton)

3rd. Keith Phillips (Cardiff)

1st. Lady. Emily Shaw (Bristol)

Intermediate Racing

1st. Erica Phillips (York)

2nd. Chris Sharp (Cardiff)

3rd. Stephen Prince (Liverpool)


Freestyle Competition

1st. Mike Parker (Southampton)

2nd. James Day (Oxford)

3rd. Ben Fairclough (Exeter)


Overall University

1st. Southampton

2nd. Cardiff

3rd. Liverpool


Kindly Sponsored by:

And Proud to be supporting:

Q. When is a Windsurf Competition not a Windsurf Competition???? A. When it's the Exeter event and 50 windsurfers go mountain-boarding and surfing!!!



Thanks to MountainWater Experience for having us all and providing awesome accomodation and food, check out their website at:

Thanks also to the club's sponsors for their help and prize donations:

New to the SWA Series Events, Nottingham's event rocked, check out the messy details here.


Friday night signup in the Rose and Crown, populated by a stunning number of Nottingham 'pikeys', went surprisingly well despite the mind numbingly loud music from DJ Disco Dave. Finally, he ran out of disco juice allowing us to escape to the student friendly Ropewalk Bar clad in the finest of Pondlife T-shirts. Most survived the journey despite the Southampton crew who went searching for a non-existent house party. The rest was a blur but everyone was safely housed by morning.


Bellys full of bacon sandwiches and all begins well, BUT WAIT! Pikeys strike back and smash their way into Bella's car before remembering that they were too stupid to steal it. A big sorry to Bella on that one! This was quickly followed up by massive traffic diversions and misadventures in Melton Mobray which led to severe lateness.

By twelve everyone had arrived and a modest breeze allowed beginner and intermediate racing led by four notts blonde beauties Clare, Anna, Laura and Dan. There was plenty of advanced freesailing on the fantastic Tushingham-Starboard and Boardwise demo kit, cheers Paul, Amy and Mark.

(Thank you Charlie [Leeds] for beginner instruction, despite your fake neoprene six-pack.)

 Pondlife: The Party

Hmmm, what can be said? once again all began swimmingly (pardon the pun) with pizzas for all and wicked costumes of vegetables, bubble wrap, balloons, paddling pools and lots and lots of green! Then the Funnellers struck. Wielded by Morsey and Newts this devastating weapon caused carnage leading to fire alarms, ceramic duck hockey and paddling pool sumo wrestling. Matters were made worse by Sam and Andy abusing the bar manager until beer prices were reduced eventually culminating into an unnamed individual being catapulted into the DJ by a rogue paddling pool. After much apologising and agreement about the poor state of students today, the tunes began to flow once more.


  •     Newton severely bruised by low flying projectile ducks

  •  Postbundle-Knockedout-Random saved by Morsey who promptly dropped him Simpson?s style twice on the way outside.

  • Extreme cold victim from Southampton being taken to casualty after attempting to walk home barefoot in a nightie.
  • A certain Mr J.Potten is sick on the dance floor (sorry notts girls) after being centrifugally slammed into multiple partygoers  on his chair at the end of a rubber paddling pool by a Mr Beaker purporting to be frogs-porn.
  • The paddling pool has it's revenge as Beaker hits the floor cheekbone first and is knocked out. (Cheers to the notts 1st-aiders for administering coors beer until he came round!) Unfortunatly it has been disovered that he will never be able to sing to McFly as loud as previously. (That's a blessing isn't it....- ed)

Night Porter's comments:

"In Thirty years I've never seen a mess worse than this. You know that the TaeKwonDo club have to train here tomorrow barefoot."


The return of bacon sandwiches and un-showered Greenies (whose idea was it to use permanent green body paint and where the hell did they get it??-ed) to Rutland Water Caf' elped ease hangovers for all. All had assembled by eleven on the Sunday morning for a day of beginner tuition, intermediate freesailing and advanced freestlye and racing. The wind picked up through the day allowing some great advanced competitions. Thanks to Jack (Notts) for the beginner tuition and abuse on the loudhailer. The day was capped off with a Sheep chasing Techno masterblast/mud bath proudly won by Henry 'richrock-evans' (Cambridge) although Welsh Matt (Cardiff) complained the race was unfair as the sheep knew he was coming...

Thanks to Tushingham/Starboard and Boardwise for their great prizes.  And of course thanks to all the SWA event sponsors.

Congratulations to all who competed. 

Advanced Freestyle

1st. Chris Addison (Cambridge)

2nd. Dave 'Lukie' Evans (Exeter)

3rd. Adam Cropper (Soton)


Advanced Sheep Chase

1st. Henry (Cambridge)

2nd. Crispy (Cambridge)

3rd. Matt (Cardiff)


Intermediate Racing

1st. Paul Reynolds (Cardiff)

2nd. Harry Klinger (Cardiff)

3rd. Emmett English (Soton)


1st Lady. Sophie Shaw (Essex)

2nd Lady. Louise Coleville (Exeter)


Beginner Racing

1st. Harriet (Soton)

2nd. Matt (Birmingham)

3rd. Charlie (UWE)

4th. Andrea (Nottingham)

5th. Mandy (Birmingham)

6th. Al (Cardiff)


Overall University

1st. Cambridge

2nd. Cardiff

3rd. Southampton

4th. Exeter

5th= Essex & Birmingham

7th. UWE

The student windsurf population made a somewhat new pilgrimage up North this February for the ritual early event of the new year, however the rewards for their long drive soon became apparent as the sight of wellies, Carling and the beautiful Liverpudlian women greeted their arrival in the European Capital of Culture!

Sold out two weeks in advance: to say that students were eager to re-start their drinking and windsurfing campaign in 2005 would be a severe understatement!  Partying far too hard on the Friday night, it could only have been the howling force 6 on Saturday morning which dragged students from their luxurious accommodation and delivered them to an equally gorgeous Crosby Marina for 10am.  And boy was it windy! Individual racing went on regardless, witnessing an advanced slalom race which was fought for literally tooth and nail, and races in both the beginner and intermediate divisions which highlighted the student dedication to the cause if not their status as still drunk and mightily foolish!

Free sailing finished off the rest of the day alongside the Crosby 'Champion of Speed' competition which extracted the cream of those testosterone filled advanced sailors from each club eager to prove their manliness and sail a speed board about as big as their arm!  Congratulations to Bigbobjoylove (Southampton) for establishing himself as alpha male and also to the slightly bedraggled winners of the individual racing: advanced: Martin (Southampton)

The party.  For most the highlight of the weekend, this student windsurfing party introduced a stereotypically yachty, posh voiced southern posse dressed up appropriately within the 'Noah's Ark' theme, to the locals of Liverpool - fantastic!  From the most realistic giraffe I've ever seen a man turn into (congrats Liability James) to a pair of Blue Tits (I will mention no names!) the costumes were fit for a boat, and the students fit for a boat race! Thanks must go out to The Flute for feeding us and Norwegian Blue for letting us drink them dry!

Following the steady northerly wind of Saturday was a slightly more blustery Sunday, however there was wind sufficient for a gripping freestyle competition and warmth and food enough provided for welcome shelter within the Surf-Tech shop!  Congratulations must go to Darren Mitchell who beat reigning freestyle champ Adam Cropper (SWA-team) in the freestyle: with student talent improving all the time I'm sure there's more than one wary eye out for this lad who becomes a student this year.

Following a tremendous prize giving which saw trophies, fantastical furs and clothes from Kangaroo Poo, a gift voucher from Starboard and Tushingham, a harness from DaKine, a wetsuit from both Spartan and Typhoon respectively, and a DVD from Xtremity, all that's left to say is a huge thank you to everyone who came raising £360 for Surfers Against Sewage, those who helped organise, Paul Simmons super Starboard demo man and all our sponsors mentioned above. Here's to next year!

Thanks to our sponsors






Just to remind you, here are a few of the rather funny reasons why Liverpool is unlike any other place in the world... (thanks to

2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike.

They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it.

Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.

"R hey lad" they say "gissa lift".

The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way.

By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.

Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding.

The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs.

The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look.
He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.

He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.

"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the *******s have managed to nick a motorbike already".

If you see a Scouser on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to
hit him?

* It might be your bicycle

Gizza job, go on, gizza job.

A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to
the counter and said "Hi, gizza job".

The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've
just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll
have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform
provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You
also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays.
The Salary package is £200,000 a year".

The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"

The man behind the counter said "Well you started it!"

Two Scousers have just nicked a car and are checking it over to make sure that everything works before they use it to ram raid the off-licence. One gets into the drivers seat and asks the other if the indicators work, to which his mate replies "Yes, it's working...oh ****, it's, it's OK...stopped again..."

The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday, ahead of this weekend's Grand Prix. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of The British Government's "Work for the Dole" scheme and employ Scousers.

The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than six seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's Existing crew could only do it in eight seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management. As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari would have an advantage over every team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the crew's first practice, not only was the Scouse pit crew able to change the Tyres in under six seconds but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the vehicle over to the McLaren team for eight Cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.

Did you know that Liverpool had put a bid in for the Olympics? Here is a section of their bid that was leaked from the IOC...

The Olympic flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown into the arena by a native of the Toxteth area of the City, wearing the traditional costume of balaclava and shell suit.

In previous Olympics Liverpool's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of the local athletes:

Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and a microwave oven (one under each arm) and on the sound of a starting pistol a police dog will be released 10 metres behind the athletes.

As above but with added obstacles, ie car bonnets, hedges, gardens, fences, walls etc.

The competitors will be allowed to make a choice of hammer, (Claw, Sledge etc). The winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to members of the public within their allotted time.

From a standing position competitors will have various electronic goods placed in their arms. In order to complete a lift these must then be taken through the shop door and placed in a mate's van.

Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen jewellery as possible within five minutes.

A series of targets will be set up to establish the competitor's ability over a range of disciplines The targets to be as follows: 1 - A Moving Police Van 2 - A Post Office Clerk 3 - A Bank Teller or Securicor Driver 4 - Their next door neighbours youngest child NB - This target to be followed by the ritual cry of 'I thought he was a Bizzy' or 'He pulled a knife on me'.

Entry to be restricted to husband and wife teams and will take place on every Friday and Saturday night of the games. The husband will be give 15 pints of Stella and the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

Competitors will be asked to break into the Liverpool University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some Mummy's Boy from the country on his first trip away from home - Against the clock.

As above however this time the break in must occur at Liverpool Police Station and must be witnessed by an officer.

The competitor who can waste the most of the court's valuable time before being found guilty will be adjudged the winner.

Amended to include mugging, breaking & entering, flashing, joyriding and arson.

A safe route has yet to be decided, but the competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up dog ****, crisp packets and used hypodermic syringes on their way round.

Q - Why does the Mersey run through Liverpool?
A - Because if it walked it would get mugged. Therefore for safety reasons this event has been cancelled.

Each of four competitors to remove an appliance of their choice from a house in Cheshire and get it back to Liverpool using at least four different stolen cars.

Each competitor will be given three needles, the winner will be the person who gets nearest to three different main veins in their own body.

Will be decided by which contestant can get a hubcap off a car and throw it to his mate the fastest. In addition the following 'exhibition events' designed at promoting the local culture will be introduced.

The contestant who can get the most pillow in their mouth after their 18 stone cellmate takes a shine to them will be adjudged the winner.

To be decided on who can spray the most obscenities on a neighbour's wall in five minutes - NB In order not to disadvantage local competitors marks will not be deducted for misspelling.

Each competitor to be given a stainless steel baseball bat. Last person standing wins.

In an attempt to capture the timeless beauty of Liverpool, competitors from every nation will be chased across Stanley Park by Knife wielding locals.

They will then scatter to the four corners of the City to find their car aerial ripped off, driver side window broken and stereo liberated, with no sign of the lad who charged 50p 'to look after their motor'.

Their assailants will return to the park providing a riot of colour and sound as their shell suits converge. The Olympic flame (if still in place) will be extinguished by eight Scallies forming a circle and pissing on it.

The closing speech will consist of the words 'Everyone in Liverpool's a natural comedian you know' . No-one will laugh. Each visitor will be hugged on exiting the stadium and will return home to find their wallet missing.

Aussie Kiss 20

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